My sexuality

For some time now I've been scared to identify with any sexuality. Not for the expected reason, I'm very comfortable with the fact that I'm attracted to both sexes but at the same time it's something I suppose I do shy away from speaking about. That's because I am attracted to both sexes. It's almost somehow easier to be completely gay or straight because there's a sense of definiteness and assurance whereas bisexuality is seen as more erratic and well, fake.

I've explored this attitude towards bisexuality in a previous blogpost and it is an attitude that I think is very prominent in society and amongst all generations. Many see it as a cover up, a way to half come out but not commit to the full sexuality, a way to scarper from too much judgement. Some see it as a fashion statement (urgh) and others see it as a fairytale, a cover up for promiscuity and curiousness.

I'm additionally afraid to identify with this label as I'm not just 50/50 straight and gay. Again, sexuality is not that black and white so I struggle to explain to people that I'm more emotionally attracted to one gender and more sexually attracted to the other. A lot of people don't class that as bisexual and then I'm left in another middle ground, unable to identify with anything.

Is that so wrong though? Why should I be pressured to have a label? Being label-less doesn't change who I'm attracted to. I don't have to try and justify my sexuality. I'm confident within my feelings towards both men and women.

The issue I feel I face is how do I go about finding a girl who is only looking for a sexual relationship. It seems common to be accused of using people when you are bisexual and I feel a much stronger sexual attraction to women than I do romantic (although of late I've been starting to question that.) I would never purposely get involved with someone to use them or string them along, having no strings attached sex doesn't make me immoral.

However it is difficult not to get wrapped up in the stereotypes and the stigma. I catch myself worrying sometimes that maybe I am an attention seeker looking to exploit the sexualisation of girl on girl action (despite my over active mind, I'm definitely not.) Sometimes I wonder whether I can be a 'real' bisexual if I don't have an equal attraction to the sexes but as I've said before, I truly believe that sexuality is a spectrum and so it's perfectly normal to be somewhere near the middle without a perfect balance of allure to both men and women.

The 'B' word

The modern riddle:

What's 9 letters long, makes you whole and finances your mild addiction to Nandos?

                                                                      (supposedly)

A boyfriend.

I never date. I never start seeing anyone and I definitely never have a boyfriend. I've survived pretty well without one so far so why do I have this voice in the back of my head saying that I should feel like I'm missing something? Like I'm weird for not trying to date. That I can't possibly be turning 18 in less than a week without having had a real relationship.

Probably because that voice is my mum's...

Being a 21st century teenager is in some ways unique. Throughout history humans have tried to find a partner, their other half, a prime mate and that is still apparent to this day but somewhere along the way the belief that you don't have to be in a monogamous relationship in order to have sex has flourished. As far as I can see this has lead to a huge decline in long term relationships amongst my generation.



Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of people my age out there in relationships but it doesn't seem like so much of a priority now. My friends and I are like kids when they're in a toy store and they've already found their dream toy but they can't bring themselves to leave behind all the other things they're still gawking at hopefully.

We're already scared of commitment. 

Our excuses are similar to that of the person who's finally managed to clamber past the first few steps of the career ladder. ''I'm really busy right now'' ''I have so much work I have to focus on'' ''I just don't have the time.''

Maybe it's just me? Maybe I am weird and everyone reading this won't have a clue what I'm talking about and think that my excuses are just that, and incredibly feeble.

I sometimes wonder whether my problem isn't my fear of commitment but my fear of commitment to the people showing an interest, even if it is just a cinema date. At the same time I've had this problem for as long as I can remember, even with the people I truly wanted to be with.



But after all this, what I really want right now is the availability to have sex with anyone I want and to have the guarantee that they'll never be a bad shag. Is that too much to ask for?

Is it really equality?

This week well known British diver Tom Daley made a video addressing his sexuality. Although he got a lot of positive feedback and support for this I still feel as a society we have a long way to come.

In an ideal world there should be no 'coming out.' There should be no obligation to express your sexual preference or to feel as if you are lying if you don't point blank state your sexual orientation. If you compare the circumstances homosexual people face and put a straight person in those circumstances you would think of it as ridiculous. If a straight person sat down and made a video 'coming out' that they were straight you would probably think 'what's your point?' so why is it so different for gay people? How can we say as a society gay people deserve equality and then not give them it? It is absurd that this has made front page news because if you saw the same article but with the word straight you would think that it's ridiculous and irrelevant, which it is in both cases.

Some may argue that this is the case because being gay is not 'the norm' but how can you define normal? It may not fit into how the reproductive systems operate but it does not mean that it should be inferior. ''Homosexuality is found in hundreds of species, homophobia is only found in one, what's more unnatural?'' 

Many people believe that by accepting someone's sexuality we are showing equality but I believe it's more than that. When a gay couple can walk down the street hand in hand and others can walk by without batting an eyelid then we'll have equality. When a person doesn't have to 'come out the closet' or 'admit' their sexuality like it is something abnormal then we'll have equality. When we can open a newspaper or talk about a person without referring to them as 'the gay one' then we'll have equality.




disclaimer - this is just my opinion and I believe everyone is entitled to their own opinion.