For the last 18 months I have been hugely struggling with how my whole life has been going. I've been a massive social recluse, especially since around November, to the point where I just have no social life, next to no one to spend time with and as a result it's had a colossal impact on my motivation and productivity.
Due to the masses of free time I have theoretically I could be recreating myself, being hugely selfish in every aspect of my life and just devoting my time to bettering myself physically and mentally. However despite the productive things I could be doing with my time I feel as if I have no motivation to do anything besides sit and complain about how miserable I am with the way my life is going. I used to be a firm believer in the phrase ''good things come to those who wait.'' I used to believe that because I was so unsatisfied with my life it was a sure sign that better things were to come and not just slightly better, a whole life turnaround. In spite of that, recently I realised that I was just using this as an excuse to be lazy. To sit around and do nothing but feel sorry for myself.
Although some aspects of my bad luck aren't wholly my fault. For example, my struggle to find a job is resulting in making it more difficult for me to push myself out there in other aspects of my life as I simply can't afford the activities I want to do to not only improve myself but meet new people.
Nonetheless I still allow petty, in the grand scheme of things, insignificant qualms to hold me back when I am given opportunities. I allow my body hang ups restrict my social life even further than it already is and I allow my obsession with other people's opinion dictate a huge amount of the decisions I make. I could list a mountain of things I want to do, some immensely, some only a bit, yet regardless of my wants I allow my fear of judgement hold me back. I use the excuse 'oh it will be different at Uni' 'I won't make the same mistakes at Uni' but I am overwhelmingly afraid that I will, which is why this is an issue I need to address sooner rather than later.
My productivity is not only limited by my lack of motivation and laziness but also my fear. The increasingly frustrating part of this all is that I have been aware of this for some time, for over half a year at least, yet I'm still to do anything about it.
If anyone out there is feeling similar to how I am regarding their productivity, motivation, social life or disappointment then feel free to leave a comment. Additionally if anyone out there has succeeded in overcoming this vicious cycle then please leave any advice you feel willing to offer.