Many people come into your life and then leave again. That's normal, but I would have thought by now that someone, anyone would have stayed in mine.
I thought I had found some people that would never leave, or at least never permanently leave a while back.
When I joined my school in year 8 I picked up at instant friendship with a girl in my class. She was more than acquaintances and less than friends with a girl who was in our Spanish lesson. She was 'the bad girl'. She didn't take shit from anybody, she was brash and somewhat arrogant and I admired her and had a desperate desire to gain her hand in friendship.
Overtime we did become friends, we recruited other girls now and then but throughout our school life they fluttered in and out only to be replaced with alternative girls. Our friendship as a three though was pretty solid, we had the odd fight but they were normally justified disagreements so the fact that we managed to amend our friendship to the prior strength each time was a reassurance to me that this one was for the long haul.
Fast forward to late 2013. The friendship with the brash girl I so idolised back in year 8 Spanish has completely disintegrated. We were best friends throughout the whole of school yet by the start of college I'd realised she had stopped talking to me over the last few weeks of the summer. We had it out a month or so later and she admitted her disinterest in trying to fix our relationship, so I was left with a bit of a hole.
Fortunately my friendship with the other girl was as strong as ever. The distance we acquired from our separate colleges made us appreciate each others company even more and we found ourselves 'WhatsApp'ing constantly throughout our working days. Additionally our mutual anger towards friend number one somehow made our friendship even more solid, yet fast forward again to late 2014 and I'm worrying that we're hanging on a thread.
Our arrangements although to me are definite, to her are occasionally not a commitment. I try to keep my cool and understand that she is not purposely trying to let me down but I can't help but feel that if roles were reversed I would put in just a bit more effort to try and stick to our arrangements.
On top of that my jealousy is getting the better of me. I can't help comparing our friendship to the one she has with the black cloud that loomed over us in our last year of school. Whilst I honestly have no issue with her having other friends, we all do, it would be stupid to limit yourself to just one crowd of people, I can't help feeling that of late she is neglecting me somewhat.
With my constant affair with short term friendships and my attraction to what seems like flaky, inconsiderate people, I'm starting to worry that it's my friend picking that's faulty and I'm wondering how I can break out of it.